Ally Minium

Ally Minium was a mistake. A failed experiment with a flexible kind of metal known as aluminum molded her body and mind into something unheard of.

Her one predicament of existing was that she was surrounded by some form of electromagnetic field at all times, making her completely magnetic to all forms of metals except tin. As you can imagine this was a slight problem.

Ally usually spent most of her time stuck immobile on the fridge in her kitchen, until someone came and pulled her off, which was near impossible, like a fly being peeled from fly paper.

Most of her possessions were plastic or other anti-magnetic materials. Sometimes she longed to hold a metal knife and fork instead of her red plastic utensils. Alas if she ever tried the knife would become stuck to her for weeks until finally it melted and formed a bump in her metallic skin.

Relationships were also awkward. Her metal body tended to slice flesh, making human and metal lady relationships impossible. Until TinTin, a man created from tin, (if you couldn’t work that out yourself).

To prolong this cliche, TinTin and Ally got married. They didn’t reproduce because, physically metal can’t have babies. They grew a ripe old age of 112, before working out they were actually immortal. Metal doesn’t age it just rusts a bit around the thigh area.

Because of this the couple decided that the best thing would be a suicide pact to end their happy lives. This may sound odd, but they were so happy they didn’t need to live for ever.

Their last wish was that they were to be melted down to form cans of beans.

Remember that when you buy your Heinz.


~ by zombieteapot on May 26, 2010.

One Response to “Ally Minium”

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